What did the actual book distribution service you were initially daily performing when you joined the Srila Prabhupada's movement personally do for you?

01 Oct 2024

Answer: It saved my life. Having no other choice when I joined ISKCON 1972, as with all others, I had to go out and distribute Srila Prabhupada's books.
As much as I hardly read yet the books I distributed, I was determined not to return back to the dream-like life I lived prior to joining. It was a silent, lonely life where all those I met were part of some sort of silent movie that was played by others, with me being only an observer. Nothing seemed to be real or have any use as it dwindled in front of my eyes away. Like remote-controlled gizmos, humans moved in front of my eyes, seemingly enthusiastic and very serious about things that were of no interest to me. Like fish in an aquarium, these humans floated by, engaged in some sort of existencialistic routines without any further meaning.

Having no friends, feeling pity for all the females who tried to love me without knowing who I was, not knowing myself where to go, I walked alone the streets in desperation, trying to write, to paint, and to sing out my desperation to an anonymous audience.

I didn't want to join any “organized happiness.” I didn't want to become happy just because somebody told me to do so. Meeting first-time devotees was a shocking experience, as they lived obviously extremely disciplined and regulated lives, strictly following firm leadership, but they didn't seem to be obstructed by it. I never saw such a happy and ecstatic army marching on. Their enthusiasm seemed to have no boundaries, and it completely terminated my introverted and egocentric artistic dreams. From one day to another, I was serving others and not just myself. It didn't take two days after joining the temple, and I found myself on the street exactly in the town I used to live, dressed in a strange orange bedsheet with all my hair being shaved.

Was this another dream? Maybe it was, but I was determined to find out and not to return to the nightmare I had before. It didn't take even one week of aggressive book distribution to realize that I was becoming a happy boy. The support of other brahmacaries for my service was immense. Nobody had anything as the opportunity 24 hours a day to perform devotional service of the highest value. Here I felt like I was becoming part of a small band of devotees who cheered me up any time I distributed a piece of Srila Prabhupada's literature. Already the first day on sankirtan, having mysteriously distributed over hundred back to Godhead magazines, the temple president welcomed me in the temple with a big smile, telling other devotees about the new bhakta, “Hey, he is a sankirtan devotee!”

Was this a service I was supposed to do my whole life? Soon I thought so. Celibacy life solved all my problems with oposite sex; the kirtans in the temple were smashing hours-lasting dancing sessions; the prasadam was almost intoxicating, so delicious it was; and the feeling not to have to sit in my room again alone, asking myself who I really am and what I shall do was most satisfying.

What did I care? The public didn't appreciate my happiness. As a matter of fact, the ways we were prosecuted in the seventies (by German government officials) are far beyond the imagination of most of the devotees today. Being a non-German immigrant, I got the full taste of racism dominanting society at that time. All this made us even more enthusiastic, as the feeling of total dependancy of Krsna, our Supreme Protector, and the feeling to be the right man at the right time in the right place, as confirmed by Srila Prabhupada, was most envigorating.

Regardless of our differences (even growing up amongst artists, I never met such a group of distinct and anarchisticly differentiated individuals like devotees were), we were all united under the same banner of preaching and book distribution.
Our leaders were on the front lines, having the same service, tasting the same prasadam, and preaching the same.

Were they?

Initialy yes, gradualy no. After a few years of book distribution, a terrible question arose in my mind, a question I never wanted to ask: Why more and more all my leaders were not actively taking part in book distribution? Their lectures were brilliant and initially entirely sankirtan supportive, addressing the daily issues to be addressed by dint of Srila Prabhupada's words. But their lives seemed to be more and more motivated in another way. Some embarked on some sort of academic career, some dedicated their lives again to some sort of artistic pursuit, reminding me of all those artists I left behind, and some were finally not seen at all. More and more, their interest seemed to shift to projects that might have been defined as the art of preaching but had nothing to do anymore with our lives as book distributors.

Hearing their exploration in the realms of vedic knowledge or even some esoteric psychoanalytical or social issues, not anymore being directly related to our service, I listened patiently, still disciplined by the mood to follow my authorities but not able to get rid of my doubt. Finaly, in Srila Prabhupada's absence, seeing my leaders falling down in various ways one after another, I still tried to clinch to my service of book distribution, which fortunately was never obstructed by those who left it.
Even becoming for twenty years a temple president, I was humorously “blamed” to organize the temple as a sankirtan van without any wheels. Indeed, for me, temple life was simply a continuation of my traveling days in sankirtan van; one was cooking, one was handling the treasure, one was cleaning, and finally we all went out to preach.

Facing finally the end of my daily book distribution traveling to sankirtan by dint of my deteriorating physical condition, I felt more and more desperate again. The words of Srila Prabhupada came in an unexpected way as he wrote to me that “devotional service is absolute, but still Krsna loves those most who dedicate their lives to preach His glories.”

Looking back on the last fifty years while chanting desperately the Holy Name daily, I found my doubt towards no-book distribution leaders only confirmed. Were the words of Srila Prabhupada “fanatical” when he wrote that “I want any member of this movement to know the art of book distribution?” Was he restrictive when he wrote that only those who are actively preaching should be initiated while the rest should conduct Krsna Consciousness in a congregational manner?

I found every word spoken by Srila Prabhupada being entirely confirmed. With the passage of time, his words evolved to be even more accurate and up-to-date than they were initially.

What did sankirtan-book distribution do for me and those who never stopped seeing this service as their priority?

Here is a list of only very few benefits anybody dedicating himself or herself to this service may receive:

Sankirtan..

Frees oneself from the inherent narcistic, egocentric, and introverted mentality every conditioned soul has.

It unites even those who cannot be united.

It softens one's steal-framed heart and fills it with compassion for the conditioned souls.

It attracts the mercy of Guru Parampara, whom we need so badly.

It energizes even the most depressed ones and fills their lives with joy. Only a joyful person can preach. Nobody will listen to a disintergrating aging introvert, regardless of how academically qualified he may be.

It confronts oneself with one's deep-rooted conditioning in terms of varna and consequent asrama. The understanding of not being the body doesn't remain only an academic exercise; it becomes an envigorating reality. We learn not only to understand that we are not this body, but we also learn to understand what kind of body we are not. 

It frees one from the mentally conceived mentality of “me and mine,” resulting in designating oneself artificially in terms of one's spiritual position.
One's life becomes real along the introspective understanding of one's fallen condition.

Artificial humility becomes a real one, as only a person actively engaged in real selfless devotional service can become humble.

It frees one from pretense based on the absence of higher authority; it preserves one's ability to hear from others and not become a monologous speaker only. The need for bona fide advice is imminent for those who try to overcome their conditioning by dint of sankirtan-book distribution.

Sankirtan-book distribution has double effect; it benefits not only the distributor but the receiver as well. The more books are distributed, the more conditioned souls are informed, and the greater the chance there is that at least some of them join actively the Srila Prabhupada's mission. And those who don't, they get the benefit of ajnata sukriti, unconscious reception of the medicine for their material maladies.

A leader in Srila Prabhupada's movement is recognized automatically by his unconditional support for book distribution. Regardless of his physical ability to take part in sankirtan, if every word and every breath of his existence is dedicated to this purpose, the result will be a small but ecstatic movement, affecting the lives of so many.

Some may argue that advancing age of the body creates an obvious obstacle to being actively engaged in book distribution. Some of my godbrothers proved this statement to be irrelevant. I myself dream about a society powered by leaders who, in times of their physical handicap, mount their wheelchairs or at least shout words of encouragement to the younger ones who can actively distribute Srila Prabhupada's books in any way possible. In such an atmosphere, there is little consideration given to one's age, „seniority,“ or claim for name and fame. In such an atmosphere, authority is comanded and not demanded.

As birds of the same feather flock together, only serious devotees will join those serious in regards to book distribution, while the pious ones derive benefit from their association. And those who come with material motivations? They will be exposed swiftly, not finding any field to fulfill their material desires.

Srila Prabhupada's words of appreciation and his excitement in regards to the distribution of his books are eternal, and those who cherish them assume their own eternal use. His statements that “Books Are the Basis” refer not only to the study of them but to everything conducted within the Srila Prabhupada's movement. It is on this basis that Srila Prabhupada's movement stands. If the focus is shifted to other aspects of Krsna Consciousness, it provokes the possibility that gradualy the most important becomes less important and finally it vanishes altogether. Maya is an expert at making the unimportant important and important unimportant. 
Once the basis is washed out, the whole structure of a building may collapse.

It is for this reason that Srila Prabhupada urged all his devotees:

I'm especially pleased to hear that your distribution of our books and magazines has increased. Go on in this way, increasing more and more. Each time someone reads some solid information about Krishna his life becomes changed in some way. These literatures are the solid ground upon which our preaching stands, so I want that they should be available to everyone, as many as possible. So please try for this.
Letter to Damodar, Madras, Dec. 3, 1971

Although I am practically on the path of death, still I cannot forget about my publications. I wish that if I live or die you should take very serious care for my publications.
Letter to Hayagriva, New York, June 10, 1967

These books are the best advertising, they are better than advertising. If we simply present Krishna Consciousness in a serious and attractive way, without need to resort to fashionable slogans or tricks, that is sufficient. Our unique asset is our purity.
Letter to Yogesvara, Bombay, Dec. 28, 1971

Do not worry, in spite of war, Srimad-Bhagavatam will be distributed. We don't care for war. Our preaching business will go on.
Letter to Radhavallabha, New Delhi, Aug. 21, 1975

There is no doubt about it, to distribute books is our most important activity. The temple is a place not for eating and sleeping, but as a base from which we send out our soldiers to fight with maya. Fight with maya means to drop thousand and millions of books into the lap of the conditioned souls. Just like during war time the Bombs are raining from the sky like anything.
Letter to Ramesvara, Bhaktivedanta Manor, Aug. 3, 1973