MEN - ENJOYERS OR PROTECTORS?
Reading the book of my well-wisher and godbrother Bhakti Vikasa maharaja „WOMEN - MASTERS OR MOTHERS“, once I jokingly told him that to ease the entirely emotional response of some of the feministly inspired women and men, maybe a book of title „MEN - ENJOYERS OR PROTECTORS„ would provide some balance.
We left it at that, and I believe that maharaja has also other important projects to write about, than to be drawn into a „who has a better body“ embarrassing arguments. Afterall his book wasn't written in a mood of provocation or as an „anti-women-liberation manifesto“, but as a mere illustration of a broader picture, depicting the varnasrama society as such.
Unfortunately this book created massive response from side of those who would like to put maharaja into the „chauvinistic box“ in a primitive way, created by their mind only. Those who care to associate with him closely know how much respect he has for chaste and spiritual minded ladies. That he is a strict sannyasi and lover of the Truth, and stands in contrast with the present ongoing attempt to compromise even the basic values Srila Prabhupada gave to us, is only to his advantage. That he is not willing to „go with the flow“ and ready to take criticism including plain insults, requires boldness and absolute faith into the ultimate protection given to those, who are ready to sacrifice their lives for protecting Srila Prabhupada's legacy.
My following meditation about the role of men in Vedic society is of course written...by a man :-) I cannot change that, I am a grhasta, not a sannyasi, and I am writting with clear understanding of my own varna and the conditioning it provides. Spending many years in ISKCON as manager, either travelling and distributing Srila Prabhupada's books, or as a temple president, trying to protect women from the abuse they were exposed to by public and some pseudo-vaisnavas as well, I dare to write this text in opposition to the childish, but nevertheless demonically inspired aggressive attitude of the women liberation movement infiltrating the ranks of ISKCON mathajis (not prabhujinis, sannyasinis, and other concocted designations I heard while walking the corridors of this institution for specially mentally handicaped ones called ISKCON :-).
The desperate screams of some frustrated women are not shared by those mathajis, who mostly quiet and sober carry on in dignified manner as wives, mothers, widows or brahmacarinis. While taking care of their families, often exhausted or agitated husbands, the unruly children, or being fully engaged in Srila Prabhupada's mission, such heroins have no time to roam the social forums of the „no rules-no restrictions-no face internet“.
Fortunately they are in majority, but rarely to be heard as they don't spend their time in advocating loudly their ideas. To write the glories of these women would take another very large text, but this text is more stressing the role of men who should carry the responsibility for upkeep, management, and finally the return of those who depend on them back home, back to Godhead.
The role of women in Vedic society, if played out expertly, is so comfortable that she doesn't have to even care how to return back home, back to Godhead. All responsibility goes to the man.
Describing role of an ideal grhasta, Srila Prabhupada after issuing firstly some stern warning like "don't use your wife like a sex machine!“ finally concluded, that „every grhasta must be a paramahamsa“.
What a challenge!
Let's see how many paramahamsas are here today! Not being one of them, I would like to pay my dandavats to such leaders of mankind.
Nevertheless, we have to keep in mind that the real enemy we have to face is not the opposite sex, but our own material desires, which can be regulated via grhasta asrama, which commands repeatedly TOLERANCE.
Tolerance can be exercised only when there is a constant strive for improvement, otherwise there is no need to tolerate a chronical conduct of an abuser, may he be a man or a woman. Even Srila Prabhupada had to agree to „divorce“ when one part of the married team became entirely averse to Krsna Consciousness, in other words a demon. But such incidents were extremely rare and they surely don't justify divorce as such.
It is amazing how heavily the equality of man and woman is stressed today, but nobody is stressing the equality when it comes to responsibility.
Everybody wants to enjoy the equal way, but when the frustration arrives, it is the men's time to be designated as the culprits. Such is the nature of the women liberation movement.
As women have their responsibility in a human society, so do the men. Srila Prabhupada is perfect example of that, spending most of His life with responsible upkeep of a family, however fruitless it was.
He is stressing this point heavily in a letter to Sudevi Dasi written in Los Angeles on 15th of September, 1972:
„Marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife‘s well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced. Whether your husband likes to take responsibility as your spiritual guide or not, that doesn't matter. He must do it. It is his duty because he has taken you as his wife. Therefore he must take full responsibility for you for the rest of his life. And you must also agree to serve him under all circumstances, and assist him in every way so that he may make advancement in Krsna Consciousness. By his making advancement in Krsna Consciousness, automatically the wife will make advancement in the husbands footsteps. But if you don't assist him and be very obedient to his welfare, then he may become disgusted and go away. So there must be a mutual responsibility by both parties, and now you are married couple there is no question of your separation, but you must both strive very hard to serve Krsna together in harmony. What are these nonsence emotions that cause you to go this way and that way, the real thing is your duty. Now you are married couple, you know what your duty is, the best thing is to perform your duty and always think of Krsna. Never mind some temporary inconveniences, we must remain steady in our duty to Krsna.“
Decent women are mostly tolerant when living with a man whose priorities are duty and responsible conduct. I saw women saving lives of men who fell down due to weakness, forcing them by their chastity never to deviate again. I saw men trying to be dutiful in presence of entirely poluted woman who simply had one aim: to get rid of that particular man. What was the result? Another man arriving on scene.
I saw men who struggled with unchaste wives in belief that „the next one may be worse than this one“. I saw men leaving their families only to find out that it is so :-(.
But then there are those who were liberated from unchaste women to find some peace in the care of a chaste lady who saw him first to be a devotee, and then to be a man. Yes, Krsna can be amazing.
In full awareness of our conditioning He brings us together in order so we can learn from each other for the better or for the worse.
One doesn't have to be a devotee to be exposed to these situations.
Any man of intelligence can understand acting of the material energy by empiric observation, even he may not be able to explain it in Krsna conscious terms.
Here are some quotes from a man who lived prior to Srila Prabhupada's appearance. Who lived truly „ahead his time“, always opposing the main stream establishment while trying to respond to his conscience:
„Whoever dreams about a happy life with a beautiful woman, actually wants to enjoy the taste of wine without swallowing it.“
„Marriage: three weeks of admiration, three years of conflicts, and thirty years of tolerance.“
„How many fools after realizing that the girl has beautiful eyes and legs...got married to the rest.“
„The more decent man is, the more he is ashamed.“
„My marriage started like a passion and ended like a habit - so did most of others.“
„No man who does something of value in this world has enough time and money for such expensive and time consuming hunting excursion, as is hunting women.“
Bernard Shaw
And then are others who proclaim themselves to be transcendental to their bodies while living closely with opposite sex, but why then do they feel the need to do so?
Personally I experienced pure state of transcendence only on a level of sankirtan where I managed women and men in same fashion as they were engaged in the same transcendental way. We shared the blessings and the ecstasy bestowed upon us equaly while being engaged in this most wonderful service of book distribution.
When I asked my GBC how to treat women, unmarried young girls called „brahmacarinis“, his answer was simple: „Same way as the brahmacaris, same rules apply.“
Indeed it is only when we are all fully absorbed in Srila Prabhupada's mission we can achieve this state of „oneness“ while being simultaneously different.
The entirely materialistic screams of frustrated women advocating sameness, meaning actually women being superior to men (?), embarrassingly exposing their entirely material consciousness, only document that indeed, „women can be less intelligent“.
Such women are „less intelligent“ in the same way as lusty men who want to dominate and control them for sexual purposes.
Anybody who advocates bodily consciousness is a fool.
Grhastas are often confused as in this asrama material meets the spiritual in seemingly contrasting way. The truth is that if men would be entirely transcendentally situated, then there would be no need for them to unite with women.
Once I witnessed my godbrother counseling a grhasta couple who approached him as disciples with simple question: „Why should we live together when we are doing nothing else than serving Krsna?“
His answer was short: „Why not?“
I was amazed about the transcendental nature of this situation.
Indeed, to keep this mood all the time is not easy. As grhasta, one quickly realizes that one is of „marginal energy“, meaning we can be sometimes in contact with the spiritual energy, and sometimes with the material one as well. Which one will ultimately prevail is entirely responsibility of the man.
This is the main point of this text. From a woman only chastity is expected. It is the man who carries the ultimate responsibility.
Srila Prabhupada tried in the best way He could in His grhasta asrama, but He honestly declared Himself to be defeated for one simple reason: His wife and His children didn't follow Him. Nobody can violate the individual minute freedom of the soul. Finally we are the ones deciding for ourselves.
Are there ideal husbands?
One well known comedian shares his realization:
„A wise girl should select her husband amongst those who just finished their basic military training. Such ideal man knows how to clean up, repair his dress, wash the dishes, and fix the bedding. Naturally he may need hardly any money, he needs only brief rest, and above all, he is always following the given comand.“ :-)
We all know that the word „ideal“ can only be expected from a pure devotee and even he may seemingly suffer from some „imperfection“.
The perfection in man can be found when he is willing to understand and correct his mistakes, when he is always striving to improve his standards, when he always tries to serve, and when he doesn't deny his level of conditioning.
His natural humility should command same humble response, and when this understanding is reached, there is literally nothing what can stop such a mutually loyal couple. There are examples of such heroic grhastas and they are the inspiring examples for those, who are under attack of feministic and chauvinistic type of preaching.
Finally an ideal man will always seek shelter at the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada, and his wife, clinching to his feet will find shelter in the same way. Eventually Srila Prabhupada's blessings will provide the basis for their relationship.
Chastity, mutually shared, is a powerful achievement, which as Srila Prabhupada preached many times, „will automatically make Laksmiji to be a permanent guest at the home of such loyal grhastas“.
And so once the men who understand that they are not the enjoyers, but protectors, by seeking shelter at the lotus feet of the ultimate protector Sri Krsna and His most dear devotee Srila Prabhupada, there is no need to dwell on the issue of men-women superiority, and we can move on while dedicating our minds and bodies to our ultimate task - to become more aware of Krsna in Krsna Consciousness.